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Maryland, come on, son!

Okay, let's jump right into a rant. I am a medical marijuana patient in Maryland. OH. MY. FUCKING. GAWD!!! Maryland, you have such a long way to go! Yes, I am happy that we finally have some sort of legal cannabis situation. But, honestly, it fucking sucks. Where should I start? Should I start with how shitty the weed is at the dispensaries or how fucked the laws are for the patients? Let's start with the laws. That's the easy part.

The gist of the laws is you can be a patient and only purchase from Maryland dispensaries. You can be a non-patient and have up to 10 grams on you legally. Sounds cool, right? No! There is a clause in the medical use that states you must purchase from a Maryland dispensary within a specific time frame. DC is down the street and thanks to Initiative 71, weed is ERRYWHURRRRRR!!!! Now we all know it is illegal to cross state lines with Marijuana (insert extreme eye roll). You would think adjacent states, or in this case districts, that have legalized marijuana usage would be able to cross lines. I mean, it's legal here and it's legal there and they touch, soooooo....but, no! IMO, this is the dumbest shit ever. Jeff Sessions and all his homies can completely EAD because of this shit. But back to my point....let's break this down. If you can only purchase from a dispensary if you're a registered patient, but non-patients can have up to 10 grams on them....WHERE THE FUCK DO THEY THINK NON-PATIENTS ARE SUPPOSED TO GET THE DAMN WEED????!!!! I think this is a conspiracy. Just fucking legalize recreational use for everyone and chill the fuck out, Maryland!

Another shitty thing about the laws is they do not protect the patient. They simply establish guidelines for becoming a patient and they guarantee money for the dispensaries. However, outside of possession, there is no real protection for patients. I know you're trying to figure out what the fuck I mean. Well, I'll explain. It is perfectly legal to be a marijuana patient and consume (amount determined by your cannabis "doctor"). However, when a patient applies for a job that drug tests, when they find THC in your system you cannot provide your certificate as a reason for THC being in your system. The job has the right to refuse you, or as I like to call it DISCRIMINATE, against you for your marijuana usage. Bullshit, right?! Other states have a document in place to combat such situations. You'd think Maryland would take a page from those books, right? Nah. Maryland has a long way to go in the weed game.

Now on to the weed. There aren't enough eye rolls or facepalms to express my disdain for weed grown in Maryland. For years I always said I didn't want weed legalized here, but decriminalized. I was right. Again, let me explain. Decriminalizing it would allow us enthusiasts to consume without threat of incarceration. But legalizing medical use means the government has their hand in the pot. Scientists who work for the government have the worst jobs ever!!! They get told to basically manipulate nature for profit. Maryland weed is processed to pull some THC out to reduce the "high" so the benefits are the main thing you get from the weed. INSERT ANOTHER EXTREME EYE ROLL!!!!! The weed does not smell or taste like weed. I purchased 3 strains from a dispensary; an indica, a hybrid, and a sativa. The indica had no relaxing properties. It actually kept me up all night and gave me a bit of anxiety and itching. The hybrid and sativa did not get me high and gave me a headache. The shit was fucking trash. This was not my first time having dispensary weed. This was, however, just my first time actually purchasing it from a dispensary myself. I have a friend who brings that shitty weed to every gathering and it has gotten to the point where we request her to not match. LOL! Girl, smoke that trash shit all on your own, baby!!!

So now what am I supposed to do? That's the question on all patients' minds. How do we survive the shitty Maryland weed crisis?!


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