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New Year, New Me...Maybe...

We are two days in and the Universe is already teaching me shit. I never set resolutions because my opinion has always been that growth should be ongoing and happening naturally, not a reset determined by the man-made construct of time. But there's been a real fucky, as my good homie says, energy around me lately and the timing just lined up. I make an effort to be self-reflecting at all times. Some of those times I am clear and able to see exactly what the lesson is in the moment, regardless of how positive or negative the moment is. Other times I see red and want to destroy every thing and person in sight. In true Aries fashion, my temper is fucking horrible. I have worked very hard over the years to significantly damper it, but as my father always says, "pressure bursts an iron pipe." My anger got the best of me and I had to look at myself and make a hard decision. It's time for me to work on my internal peace. See, I've been protective of my energy for years. I'm very selective about who I spend time with, who I affiliate with, whose house I'll go into, and who I allow to cross my own threshold. I'm damn good at blocking the wrong energy from other people. But what I realized, so damn clearly, is that I am not protecting myself from my own negative energy. We all would like to believe that it's never us and it's always other people who bring the wrong energy or negativity into our lives. BUT WE ALL HAVE SHIT WITH US!!!! Regardless of how your spiritual path looks, there's always darkness. None of us are at nirvana. We all have things we need to work on to achieve and maintain peace. My wake up call was that all my internal chaos was manifesting itself in the form of anger and anxiety and it is crippling me! So now I have to be an adult and get out of my own damn way. 😫 What does that even mean or look like? That's the question I had to ask myself. Coping mechanisms is the answer. I had to come up with healthy methods of coping with my anger and anxiety in the moment instead of allowing those emotions to control me and dictate my productivity, or lack thereof. 🤦🏽‍♀️ The shit came so damn clear to me that I almost literally kicked myself for not figuring the shit out sooner! And that epiphany led me to another one. I openly talk about how much of a healer my beloved Mary Jane is, but I realized I was being lazy and making her do all the work and then had a NERVE to complain when progress wasn't at a satisfying rate! Tuh, the nerve! I was putting no effort into my own bodily healing. I was simply relying on weed to fix everything. Things got a lot better, I won't lie. But there is so much more that I can be doing. So, I sat down with my planner, a few blunts, my favorite playlist, my crystals, my sage, and I started mapping out how I am hurting my own growth and healing. I came up with a plan. I was realistic with myself and set a few short term goals so I can focus on working the process instead of obsessing over the rate of the progress. And there we have the obligatory January mindset! 😂 All jokes aside, I hope everyone who has decided to make changes can find all the tools they need for successful changes. Cheers to self care! 🥂

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