I’m not mean. People just suck. I have a reputation for having a low tolerance for people’s shit. Notice I didn’t say bullshit. It’s not always negative. Sometimes certain personality types and traits don’t play nice with my personality traits. As I grow, heal, and evolve, I become more streamlined in what my capacity is. I dealt with a narcissistic mother and grandmother most of my life, so at this stage I have no patience for it. For years I struggled with setting boundaries and how I allowed people to treat me. I think my organic nurturing demeanor still leads people to believe I’m a pushover sometimes. Or because I don’t allow people to take full advantage of me because I set boundaries to preserve my mental stability, I’m perceived as being a bitch. I also have a reputation of getting mad easily. Here’s my interpretation of that perception. I believe my standards are in such a high place so that I won’t be trampled on, that it comes off as me being easily angered. The reality is that I just have a low tolerance for bullshit. IN MY OPINION, less people would get taken advantage of if they raised their bar on bullshit too. Maybe some of it is my Aries temper and I do get mad easily. That’s a part of my path that I still stumble and trip on from time to time. But if I were a man, would my personality and/temper even be a factor in how people see me?
Black women aren't allowed to be disturbed. The entire damn world expects us to solve everyone's problems and save the world, but we can't get tired. And we cant speak about the trifling-ness that we have to fix either. When we speak up, or even comment matter-of-factly on anything, we are negatively labeled. We have the same 24 hours in a day as everyone else, but we're expected to deliver 48 hours worth of productivity in that same 24 hours. If we ask for help--which is rare as fuck and probably comes from another Black woman who is in the same boat--we are considered weak or lazy for not being able to carry the unrealistic load. If we notice a kink in the chain and we seek solutions to problems out loud, we're labeled bitch. We aren't allowed to be hungry in our careers and with our goals. When we do so, we are either compared to men and berated for the behavior or reminded that we are the fairer sex and our fairness is showing in a negative way. Basically, our womanhood is called into question when we are anything other than compliant. Women don't have the privilege of simply being human.
It's always been funny to me that being called a pussy is an insult meaning you're weak. Vaginas literally are portals to human life. Human beings literally come out of us. We bleed for days at a time while still functioning and not dying...even though it feels like every war ever fought in the history of the universe is happening all at once inside your uterus!!!! And systemic racism has made sure many black women do all this ALONE. While I absolutely loathe when a woman says she is both mom and dad to her child(ren), I completely get why they say it! And this is the way our country is designed. It is designed to break Black women, Black men, Black boys, Black girls, and Black families. Women are taught to cover up. Yet, instead of teaching boys to respect girls' bodies, and their own for that matter, we say boys are just being boys when they disrespect and violate girls' bodies. They have the privilege of being innocent without proof. We are not afforded the luxury of simply existing as we see fit to exist. We are vastly governed. The black woman is the most fucked-with being on this planet. We truly be minding our own fucking business and then BOOM here comes someone complaining about our hair. Our crowns are constantly under attack. And we know why. We are powerful, magnificent, wonderful, awesome, marvelous, inspiring, beautiful creatures. We exude sauce, baby!!! Black women know we are the shit. It's our super power.